Dollars Make Sense.

You Get No Beats: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

Posted in reviews. by Jason Mekkam on December 1, 2010

Oh you know what it is..

Time once again for another edition of You Get No Beats. By now you kids know the drill: I pick an album, choose line(s) off said album track by track and then spaz.

Finally I conclude by issuing said album a verdict of either Beats or No Beats.

Beats = Album is fire.

or..

No Beats = Album is a bag of cold otter pops (but in the ‘being the literal opposite of fire’ sense; not the ‘mind blowingly delicious’ sense).

On the chopping block this go around is Kanye West’s My Dark Twisted Fantasy which dropped last week.

So without further ado, let’s get it in..

1. Dark Fantasy

Yeezy Says: “The plan was to drink until the pain over/ but what’s worse, the pain or the hangover?”

WULU Says: From experience I can attest it’s the pain Yeezy..

That is unless you’re taking shots of Everclear chased with a bootleg can of orange Four Loko.. Then it would be the hangover.

Oh my god, for suuure the hangover.

Yeezy Says: “Too many Urkels on your team, that’s why your wins low.”

WULU Says: Rapper. Producer. Shoe designer. Superstar Tweeter. And now an incredible insightful professional basketball analyst. Really tho, is there anything Yeezy can’t do?

Side note: Clearly Kanye here is referring to Steve Urkel, a lame, and not his alter ego Stefan Urquelle. Cuz that dude pulled major and Lisa was feeling him tough.

Random tangent: I watched Family Matters the other day for the first time since I was a kid. That show is awful. Just painfully corny. I can’t believe I used to remember it fondly.

I question lil’ eleven-year-old wulu’s taste in network programming..

Another random tangent: My all-time favorite black sitcoms are as follows:

1.) The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
2.) Martin
3.) The Wayans Brothers
4.) Everybody Hates Chris
5.) Kenan & Kel

Honorable Mention: The Game (And I admit this with no shame)

2. Gorgeous (feat. Kid Cudi & Raekwon)

Yeezy Says: “I treat the cash the way the government treats AIDS/ I won’t be satisfied ’til all my niggas get it, get it?”

WULU Says: BOOM! Shots fired. Take that Ronald Reagan.

Question: What’s a Kanye West album absent a single conspiracy theory accusing the US Federal government of deliberately attempting to destroy the black community through crack, AIDS, General’s Fried Chicken or a combination of all three?

Answer: 808’s & Heartbreak.

AYO!

3. POWER

Yeezy Says: “I don’t need yo’ pussy, bitch, I’m on my own dick”

WULU Says: Pause.

4. All of the Lights (Interlude)

Yeezy Says: Absolutely nothing. All instrumentals everything on this one.

WULU Says: Food for thought: Other rappers have intros for their albums. Kanye West has intros for single tracks.

@kanyewest #ohyoufancyhuh

5. All of the Lights

Fergie Says: “Unemployment line, credit card declined/ Did I not mention I was about to lose my mind?”

WULU Says: I just peeped a couple major publications for their My Dark Twisted Fantasy reviews. Rolling Stone gave it five stars. Slant Magazine did as well. And Pitchfork gave the album a 10.0. All perfect scores. Do you know what this means?

Fergie Ferg is on a perfect album.

This can’t be real life..

6. Monster (feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver)

Minaj Says: “You could be the King but watch the Queen conquer”

WULU Says: And conquers she does. No question. Minaj’s verse booty juices all Yeezy’s and Hova’s. I give credit where credit is due, so to you Nicki, kudos.

Now having said that, I still don’t care much for Minaj’s music. Every time I’m challenged on my position and her verse here is brought up in her defense, my rebuttal remains the same: “And so..” Like the homie Rasheed Wallace once said: “Even the sun shines on a dog’s ass sometimes.” One verse does not make up for the hours of torture Nicki has subjected my ears to.

I’m not even trying to hate. Dead serial, her exuberant cartoon character flow frightens me. Too, as the TSS Crew so effectively point out, far too great a number of Ms. Minaj’s lines are couple Albert Camus novels past absurd:

“If you could turn back time…Cher/ you used to be here now you gone…Nair”

GTFOH.

7. So Appalled (feat. Jay-Z, Pusha T, CyHi Da Prynce, Swizz Beatz & RZA)

Yeezy Says: “That know the day that you play me/ Will be the same day MTV play videos/ That was a little joke, voila/ Praises due to the most high Allah.”

WULU Says: A joke my ass. Don’t backtrack Yeezy; that’s real spit. MTV claiming an acronym standing for Music Television is the equivalent of Fox News’s championing it’s “fair and balanced” slogan: disingenuous as fuck and abhorrent as hell.

I’d pay to sit in on their program director meetings just so I could hear with my own ears an explanation for why re-airing Bully Beatdown 8327632 times makes more sense than showcasing the latest visuals from artists the network was created to support in the first place.
.
With the sole exception of tuning into Jersey Shore for the sole purpose expanding me vocabs (“GTL”,”grenades”,”smushing” – bloody fucking brilliant I tell you), I don’t really fux wit MTV like that.

8. Devil In a New Dress (feat. Rick Ross)

Yeezy Says: “I hit the Jamaican spot, at the bar, take a seat/ I ordered you jerk, she said “you are what you eat”‘

WULU Says: This is why I don’t really go down on girls..

Cuz I ain’t no pussy.

9. Runaway (feat. Pusha T)

Vodpod videos no longer available.

WULU Says: Due to Yeezy’s stupid infectious, dark humored chorus honoring men who behave like prepubescent boys on Ritalin, it’s easy to overlook the douchebag/asshole dichotomy at work here in Runaway. So allow me to edumacate..

Contrary to what you learned in Biology 101, the douchebag and the asshole aren’t one in the same being. Sure they may both posse similar characteristics society at large deems morally repugnant (e.g. lying, cheating, puka shells), yet what distinguishes the douchebag from the asshole most noticeably is honesty.

In Runaway, the part of the douchebag is played by Yeezy (shocked, anyone?). Grossly self-involved and never one to be content for a sustained period of time, the douchebag first and foremost seeks to fulfill his pressing desires. In other words, he’s selfish. But he’s not an asshole. Because he actually does want you to be happy too.. He just thinks his own happiness is just a wee bit more important. You know.. With hoodrats. But a choice must be made. He can’t have both you, the honey, and them, the hoodrats. Unfortunately for our hero, such a decision is beyond him – it requires far more maturity/discipline/decency than the douchebag is capable of mustering. So instead he opts for plan B: lies, manipulation, deceit, justifications, and flat out rejecting painstakingly obvious realties. Observe here how perfectly Kanye plays the part:

Yeezy Says: “She find pictures in my email/ I sent this bitch a picture of my, dick/ I don’t know what it is with females/ But I’m not too good with that, shit”

Bro like for really real, you wanna know why you’re bad at females? I mean I’m no gynecologist or anything fancy like that but if I had to guess, I’d say you sucking at women probably has something to do with you BBMing random hoochie mamas photographs of your pixilated pecker.

You douchebag.

Defined by a desire to do whatever (and often whomever) he pleases and an inability to accept the consequences of his actions in any responsible manner, dishonesty is Kanye the Douchebag’s greatest ally. In his constructed reality o’ douche, nothing’s ever his fault – he’s just a passive bystander. Too the douchebad blames everything on you because that’s the one gift God gave him. So what if you found a black satin thong in between his Captain Planet bedsheets this afternoon? Who the fuck told you to make his bed in the first place? He grown ain’t he? Why are you always trying to control him?

Shit yo. Fall back.

On the flipside is the asshole, portrayed here by Pusha T. While also excessively id driven, the asshole differs from the douchebag in the sense the he cares for little else beside himself and doesn’t bother fronting otherwise. He may lie, but unlike the douchebag he does so outta convince, not necessity. Because the asshole has something the douchebag doesn’t – power – providing him with confidence, options, status and knowledge of the leverage all three give him. This frees him to speak truth cold (no snuggie). And best believe he does..

Pusha Says: “24/7, 365 pussy stays on my mind/ I-I-I-I did it, all right, all right, I admit it/ Now pick your best move, you could leave or live wit’ it/ Ichabod Crane with that Lamborghini top off/ Split and go where? Back to wearin’ knockoffs, huh?/ Knock it off, Neiman’s, shop it off/ Let’s talk over mai tais, waitress, top it off.”

Is it even possible to be more blunt/rude/condescending than that? While he most definitely exploits and manipulates the truth to better fit the narrative he chooses to offer at any given moment, honesty – albeit the boorish, tactless, callous variety – is the asshole’s weapon du jour.

So there you have it: Kanye the Douchebag – dishonest, not a romantic, and incapable of intimacy – and Pusha the Asshole – crass, young, rich and tasteless. Separate but equally awful human beings.

Ladies if you encounter either of these men, don’t even approach with caution – just lace up those Nikes and dip with the quickness in the opposite direstion..

Run away as fast as you can.

Unless of course you really have grown tired of rocking them knockoffs. Then hell, ride with Pusha. Cuz topless Lambos are pretty cute. And honey let’s be real – you ain’t fooling nobody with that “Chanel” handbag with two L’s.

10. Hell of a Life

Yeezy Says: “Tell me what i gotta do to be that guy/ Said her price go down, she ever fuck a black guy/ Or do anal, or do a gang bang/ It’s kinda crazy, it’s opposite the same thing”

WULU Says: No Kanye you’re wrong. It’s not just crazy a white female pornstar performing forceful insertions of phallic objects into her rectal cavity, rough intercourse with throbbing throngs simultaneously and straightforward sex with a more pigmented partner are all grouped into the same category – it’s hella fucked up.

Really tho the overt racism displayed by the pornographic industry both behind and in front of the camera has been the bane of my existence eating away at my soul for years..

Ok, so have the brotha get busy with the big booty girl on films. Fine I get that. But why he gotta pour an entire 40 onces of malt liquor on her butt first? That’s just wasteful. And why does he have wear Timberland boots through the entire thing? It’s 2010. Who the fuck still wears Timbs? That’s certainly not keeping it real.

As I write this, I may be laughing on the outside, but on the inside..

Tears.

11. Blame Game (feat. John Legend & Chris Rock)

WULU Asks: Honestly, on a scale of 1-10 how uncomfortable does this picture make you?

Anyways Blame Game sees an encore appearance by our friend Kanye the Douchebag, only this time things aren’t looking so good for our hero. His relationship with Amber Rose o’ girl has come to an end (again, shocked anyone?) and he’s loosing it.

And i mean vicious.

Perhaps the most telling line in the entire song is when Kanye says: “I can’t love you this much, I can’t love you this much”

He ain’t lying. Kanye the Douchbag literally can’t. Real love is selfless and the douchebag defines selfishness. Unfortunately it’s impossible for these two polar opposite notions to peacefully coexist. They conflict and use Kanye’s head as their wrestling ring.

That’s why one minute Yeezy Says: I took a piss and dismiss it and went and found somebody else/ Arguing harvesting the feelings, I’d rather be by my f-cking self”

Then the next minute..

Yeezy Says: Till about 2am and I call back and I hang up and start to blame myself

With the drowned, slowed downed, sped up vocals that startup halfway through the second verse, the feeling is made all the more tangible that the selfishness/selflessness battle triggered by being a douchebag in love is driving him mad. He can’t get a grip. Thus he’s torn to the point where both sides seem to be fighting each other over control of the bus. On the one hand you have the deeply articulate lover that recognizes the tragedy that is love lost..

Yeezy Says: “Things used to be, now they not/ Anything but us is who we are/ Disguising ourselves as secret lovers/ We’ve become public enemies/ We walk away like strangers in the street/ Gon for eternity/ We erased one another/ So far from where we came/ With so much of everything, how do we leave with nothing/ Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E/ Hatred and attitude tear us entirely”

Beautiful.

But such remarkable insight is drowned too often by jackass verbal diarrhea..

Yeezy Says: “I know you aint getting this type of dick from that local dude/ And if you are I hope you are have a good time/ Cause I definitely be having mine”

It’s almost like he’s two different people.

Ultimately the homie Johnny Legends sings truth: there aren’t really any winners when couples in turmoil play the blame game because it takes two to tango. Sure Amber o’ girl committed her far of crimes in the relationship (like being bald perhaps), but Kanye the Douchebag’s fault is obvious – dude’s so caught up in his self-created world of dishonesty he’s lost the ability to be honest with himself.

All the ‘disguising as a secret lovers’ and ‘woe is me, we’re strangers now’ rhythmic babble is dramatic and narcissistic. It’s self-serrving because it deflects responsibility and justifies passiveness in situations that require his active action.

So Kanye the Douchebag, as your friend, make a choice: either quit bullshittin and tell that no hair having attention seeking hussie o’ girl how you really feeling or kick rocks on over to the next one.

All the bitch blood clot crying/belly aching is overdose.

Really, it’s not that serious.

12. Lost In the World

Yeezy Says:“If we died in each others arms, still get laid in the afterlife”

WULU Says: Aww. That is romantics.

Question: What would heaven be without a cuddy buddy?

Answer: Not heaven. That’s for sure..

13. Who Will Survive In America?

Gil Scott-Heron Says: “..America was a bastard – an illegitimate daughter of the mother country whose legs were spread around the world and a rape as known as freedom – free doom. Democracy liberty and justice were code words, for the bubbling bubbling bubbling. In the mother countries crotch. What does Webster say about soul? All I want is a good home and a wife and kids. And some food to feed them every night. After all is said and done. Build a new route to china if they’ll have you.

Who will survive in America?”

WULU Says: ^^^ This.

Question: Who will survive in America?

Answer: Cockroaches.

My kid brother once told me those badass bastard pests can survive nuclear war (and I believe him because his report cards are always on point). Straight up though, once you live through bombs like Hiroshima, 9.6 unemployment rate, 59 million living without health insurance and a social security system on the brink of collapse must sound like a VIP pass to a P. Diddy pool party.

So they win.

¡Viva la cucaracha!

Verdict: Imma keep this short and sweet: All this music on this album is beautiful. Sure some of the themes and moods touched are dark. Kanye’s brain is more twisted than a pretzel. And spending seven minutes in heaven with Keri Hilson has always been a fantasy of mine (my sexual imagination hasn’t matured past the 4th grade I’m afraid. But really tho have you seen her latest video. The kind of grave injustices against humanity I’d commit just for a mere 420 seconds in a small closed space with her..).

I like My Dark Twisted Fantasy a lot. People may disagree on how incredibly awesome this album is, but can’t nobody tell you it’s not awesome. Yeezy’s is always trying. And I appreciate that.

Beats.

Advertisements

7 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. brain said, on December 1, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    First, I just want to say this was hilarious, well written and down right entertaining. Keep up the good work, I am continually impressed and that’s a compliment because my expectations are getting higher.
    Second,
    Couldn’t agree more. I really wanted to hate this album when I copped the leak and due to a few poor edits I was able to convince myself of just that. But hindsight is a bitch. I eat my words and judged this book by its truly horrible (self-done of course Ye) cover. However, with the release of the Walmart approved edit, this CD now looks and sounds a lot nicer. Crazy to think that he can say all of this on his cd, I mean literally pour his heart out to the world and still be such a self-righteous, obnoxious and arrogant. I am just shocked at just how generally out of touch he seems to be with his own music. Does he even realize this album is about him? Does that not constitute change? Taylor Swift never apologized? Man, I feel like this album resonates more with me than it does with him; shit I probably got more out of it than him… well, not financially that’s for sure. I guess it’s true what they say, it’s lonely at the top… Even though he’s no #1.
    For further affirmation that this dude is a walking contradiction incarnate click http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_z9orSyMug my favorite line, “It won’t get black-balled like the last album?” HAH! Kanye, you funny.

  2. Deez said, on December 1, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    A++++++++++

    agreed with every word.

    great minds think alike.

  3. YOUng Juice MAYNE.. AYE! said, on December 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    1. This was the first “you get no beats” post I read almost all the way through.
    2. This was very entertaining
    3. “its kinda cray its all considered the same thing”
    4. you know you eat the box… lol pussy. just playing
    5. The best song on here is Devil in a New Dress with ROZAAY!

    keep up the good work my muh fugging nigga!

  4. YOUng Juice MAYNE.. AYE! said, on December 2, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    haha i just realized why you put the picture of cookie monster up.

  5. Rap Round Table, Week Ending 12/3/2010 said, on December 3, 2010 at 3:25 am

    […] Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by WULU […]

  6. JJ said, on December 3, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    If I were to do a “You get no beats” review of this blog entry…it would get a “beats.”

    This is beautiful.

    Kudos, you’ve outdone yourself on this here blog entry.

  7. […] homonyms on homonyms. I’ve spoken at length about this particular verse for another reason. Actually do chains really go bang or do they go clang? I think I’m team clang but that may […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s